Link Between Depression and 'Collecting'?

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Link Between Depression and 'Collecting'?

Postby brassicGamer » 2018-10-23 @ 01:17

I expect that there may be a discussion as to whether this thread should remain due to relevance of topic. I think it's very relevant but I'm happy for the community to decide. This is also in the spirit of talking about mental health being one of the best things to positive mental health through the support of others so that people do not feel like they are 'on their own' or 'weird' and providing an opportunity for people to tell their own story / share experiences / coping strategies and the like.

i noticed something a couple of years ago when I went to pick up a Toshiba T1600 that I had purchased from eBay. You never know what you're going to get (socially) when you pick something up that you bought online. This guy was older than me and his small flat was absolutely overflowing with vintage computer & electronics gear. It's funny but, when you've got depression and/or anxiety, you get really good at noticing other people who have it too. And I spotted this guy. We ended up talking about medication somehow and it turned out we were on the same anti-depressants (Sertraline - seemingly the standard issue in the UK). I realised that hoarding / collecting / obsessing about computer stuff (and other, less relevant, things) is probably quite closely linked to mental health.

I wanted to create a poll but it seems we don't have that option. Instead, I just wanted to put out there that my collecting of vintage computer gear started a year or two before I was diagnosed with depression and then I had a mental health break last summer. At times when I am feeling my worst, I tend to buy the most stuff. It's like a comfort thing. I can't put it into better words than that right now. I've got too much stuff and my list of projects and builds is too long.

So I wondered if anyone else recognises any of this stuff about themselves and would like to share? Seeing that most of us don't know each other in real life I thought maybe it would be a safe place to share here. These are the kind of things I'm talking about:

- depression & medication
- anxiety
- obsessive behaviour
- relationship problems
- counselling / therapy
- employment problems
- financial difficulty
- hoarding
- collecting
- anything else mental health related

Please, let's give people the opportunity to talk without fear of judgement. If you don't get it, don't comment.

Thanks.

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Re: Link Between Depression and 'Collecting'?

Postby krcroft » 2018-10-23 @ 05:25

"One misconception about the difference between collecting and hoarding is the idea that collectors save things of value and that hoarders save trash. ... When a collector expands acquisitions beyond well-defined collections and loses the ability to keep these possessions organized, it becomes a hoarding problem." ( https://www.nytimes.com/roomfordebate/2 ... s-hoarding)

Going a level deeper, some collectors might suffer the same symptoms as a horder, namely when their hobby starts to impact their lives negatively from their own perspective - loss of livable functional space, financial issues, feelings of guilt or shame after acquiring items, relationship strain or withdrawl, and missed opportunities.

I think in these cases when collecting becomes a problem, the individual is likely suffering from some of the same root cause emotional loss(es) or life events similar to those that cause hording behavior.. and certainly those are related to and/or can lead to depression.

To anyone who might be concerned about this, professional help can be quick and life-changing to help adjust your perspective. Take care of yourselves fellow Vogoners!
Last edited by krcroft on 2018-10-23 @ 10:27, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Link Between Depression and 'Collecting'?

Postby Errius » 2018-10-23 @ 05:46

I get depressed when someone else snags an auction I was bidding on. I don't know about 'anti-depressants' though. It can't be healthy to dose yourself with powerful psychoactive drugs. What's wrong with just getting drunk?
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Re: Link Between Depression and 'Collecting'?

Postby Muz » 2018-10-23 @ 08:29

Maybe you should a post a photo of what kind of items you have hoarded so far?
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Re: Link Between Depression and 'Collecting'?

Postby jxalex » 2018-10-23 @ 08:56

You are not alone with that trouble.
Actually professional help is not every time solution, it is shortcut, they provide "service", but not the solution which would
be for Your benefit.
I have also some collection, however I have slepping disorder. Also I have been in that physicians and pharmaceuts hell and back - they have no use. But with pills it will just get worse.

The trouble is not depression =collection, or otherwise.
You just should look what is Gear Acquisition Syndrome. Also what is high functioning autism.
This will explain all. But wait, it is not solved with medication nor getting rid of stuff. YOU yourself need to see yourself your reasoning without any help outside from physicians They really cant help becouse it first requires understanding of your hobbys in a more specific details. Otherwise it is nonsense and pointless effort to describe your troubles and they take it from their own point of view without considering your own personal needs. But THIS all needs extra study from doctors side. Without all of that the doctors understand your trouble just as much like insufficient or wrong understanding that "computers are rectangular iron objects and new ones are the plastic laptops, but what for are they? Dont know".
Just imagine these medical professors to understand my trouble what is between the soundcard revisions and operating systems and why the inner need redesign my own... BUT ALL THIS on the background of all the massmedia hype and brainwash which praises that "newer is better" they dont understand me! But at the same time they are more than ever in stress becouse of their new medical database version user interface which just got "better"!
It is simpler to them to understand when I explain that "some" events in history are hoax, becouse in a room with 4x10 meters area there is no room for 1000 jews. This one they can understand until they collide to someone who says how to think and how not to think.


The "professionals" however have still quite little knowledge sometimes what are the following things needed to know:
To the physician mostly you are just a number or humanbeing as anyone else, but those things (hobbys, even one) are named as "special interests" . It is important becouse the NT-people do NOT have these, but all THIS changes the whole picture how you should be treated! All the collecting, computers are highly nerdy activities, but which also are coupled very strong way with Asperger syndrome, high functioning autism, and other similar ones in the DSM5, in the similar spectrum, THEY DO NOT KNOW THAT always nor notice if you have special interests and what does it really mean. Assuming you as a NT-person makes bigger injury with medication subscription.

MOstly our problems are not solved with medication but we need our special activity and surrounding to feel fine.

Also it is wellknown fact already that overmedication by all these doctors are more than the common cause for injury. They have pill for every occasion which is very often not needed. Instead of pill the trouble would be solved to recommend to take a day off and go fishing(!) instead. Also it is very wrong for a depressed people to subscribe pills if the reason for depression is the jerk boss at work or current politicians and their created "political correctness" (so those should be filled with those pills instead).
But what happens is that they make a subscription and voila - a new dependant customer for pharmacy is created!
Also the habits and social activity -- just closing the all those pseudonetworks (which do not allow even to name things with the right names ) make you feel better anyone. JUst now the newspapers are better to avoid for a week and to seek other information sources instead. Also we are quite alone, which is a big mistake. Not this way alone that no-one is living nearby 100km, but with our hobbys alone. Internet cannot still compensate everything and all the pseudosocial networks increase all that troublesome thoughts and such.
(Sertraline - seemingly the standard issue in the UK)

All the depressants are oversubscribed, just like the cholesterol medicaments (which is a total hoax!) -- it is big BIG BIG business, they are sold much more than needed.
Hey! Go out and see some sun and run too or take a ONE HOUR walk every week (just make a note in the calendar!).
Anti depressants are things to AVOID. JUst take a day off from coffee and eat fried meat AND eggs only a week. Quit drinking those sugar drinks all at once and replace with tea. Those with mental troubles should eat 8 eggs a day, that is their food.

IF you think that medical workers and doctors are holy gods or miracle workers then come on, you should know that the humans health is influenced
30% by genetics
30% by surrounding where you live
30% by YOUR OWN HABITS
10% medicine.


So... change eating habits (see above), minimize to zero the mainstream, no TV channels. Read about Gear Acquisition Syndrome and it would benefit to have a nerdy neighbour who does SOMETHING.

. then there will be the same symptoms but other things to hoard or just sitting with empty hands and repetitive-useless activities which consume time. Best is to appreciate what you have already and make with them something and accept that in a 99 of 100 cases you meet people who are empty in their heads.
HOwever I feel bright and glad when being on radioham events, and Assembly alike demopartys.
Last edited by jxalex on 2018-10-23 @ 11:33, edited 11 times in total.
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Re: Link Between Depression and 'Collecting'?

Postby jxalex » 2018-10-23 @ 09:32

- depression & medication
- anxiety
- obsessive behaviour
- relationship problems
- counselling / therapy
- employment problems
- financial difficulty
- hoarding
- collecting
- anything else mental health related


I will come out from closet too. I suspect in this forum here are atleast half with the deepest troubles other than how to get the next soundcard, or the prices in feebay, but cant talk for them.

I recognize everything in it. Still for this one is one advice -- it is the world around us, not us who is insane. Your troubles are solved by other nerds, not by "normal" people or physicians who have no idea about it.

Just if to make a argumentation about the comparisons, will just lead to the conclusion that several things are so in our life becouse others are not smart enough, silly or in the world there is pussyworshiping and political correctness which is accepted as the only acceptable behaviour and character.

JUst a couple examples:
WHY IS IT ACCEPTABLE TO JUST VISIT EACH OTHER FOR A COUPLE BEERS AND TO WATCH THE HOCKEY? Well, at the same time it is just the social event and alcohol consuming, but it does not make sense. It could be also replaced with the activity to gather locally in order to tweak car/gocart/motorcycle engines , programming, electronics, but strange enough then it is in some areas as "strange behaviour". Only becouse you have to be smart for those activities.

In a common sense actually it should be welcomed activity -- the man stays home, does not drink and has a hobby, develops intelligence and knowledge, character. But no. Opposite. People are enough lazy not even to learn but also to think and find what they really want or think and so they take everything from the massmedia which says to them what is or should be the activities, what to wear, do, watch, whom to praise and whom to despise, while the readers do not really know nor check the sources! To them the massmedia with its all newspapers and 100 channels is god, The Truth (oh no, they are not lying to us, cant be so...). The channels and whole world wants to make people dumb, stupid -- becouse this way it is better to sell them everything. And not only things, but also the views, opinions.


Again, how come that some "desperate housewifes" and all series are much more common than "startrek" ? The same thing, it requires intelligence to find it amusing, otherwise you do not understand and can as well as watch it in Esperanto. Those "action" films require no intelligence and so caveman understands that as well.

Women... khm khm... I hope here this kind of critique is allowed.
5% pairs only stay together, in 80% cases the women initiate divorce , it is so becouse the law is on womens side whatever whos "right". Seriously, I know not a single radioamateur who would be a "normal" (with just one exception who is still with the same woman the last 20 years atleast). But no other nerds with computers, synthesizer music or other nerdy interests are in a lucky forevereverlasting relationship . Maybe 1-2 exceptions are out there but not those whom I know or have seen last 20 years. All their women are from one relation to another jumpers.
In relation women want everything accordingly to their own wishes. All the smart guys are single or have had several divorces. The society at the same time has a emphasis for a dumb but for more social specimen.
And becouse of massmedia who praises all that, it leads to that all this sex and related to that is highly overrated.
Well, just imagine that every day in the media it would be articles about how to paint the backyard gates with enormous emphasis with all nyances and saying that it is the main purpose. Ridiculous, eh? Yet people wont think if it means that some women are not more than overpriced decorative elements and oh actually such criticue is never allowed. No one knows cheating women, but still they are there and whatever the situation, everyone will see it as a mans fault! But the statistics show different numbers!
Yes, I have been in a relationships too, so what? It can never compete with the joy which comes from dealing with electronics and arranging music. After describing a ideal woman I get answer "you just described a dog" . There is also a saying - if man drinks then somewhere there is also a woman who caused it.

About obsessive behaviour... I guess my long writings are proof for this which get worse as
with the need for communication it can lead as it is now -- that I write with the same speed as I talk.

There is a much worse situations in a life than hoarding computers -- the people who spend every day with a bottle of wine, whisky, but strange enough this situation is more socially acceptable. Why? Those who are busy with computers develop their brain atleast, learn something, make something. But those with a winebottles just kill themself and the only ones who benefit those are the state economy. And of course we should not forget the another worst addiction -- lottery tickets and casino.
But nerds mostly do not drink, they just go inside the programs for a entire day or do something... but development is very real.

So based on that you with computers are a reasonably lucky one but just need other people who can share your interests, understand it.
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Re: Link Between Depression and 'Collecting'?

Postby jxalex » 2018-10-23 @ 10:39

Errius wrote:I get depressed when someone else snags an auction I was bidding on. I don't know about 'anti-depressants' though. It can't be healthy to dose yourself with powerful psychoactive drugs. What's wrong with just getting drunk?



wait, man can get "high" on several other ways, but try without those medications or drinks. (music making is of the ways which I know).
It can provide some solutions which can lead atleast some results.
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Re: Link Between Depression and 'Collecting'?

Postby oeuvre » 2018-10-23 @ 12:51

No guys, Dr. Sbaitso does not count as professional help.
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Re: Link Between Depression and 'Collecting'?

Postby Vipersan » 2018-10-23 @ 13:20

Hi ...I suppose I too fall into this catagory ..
Let me explain,
I have always had an interest in technology ...right back from being a young'un ..
I also had a compulsion to collect ..stamps coins etc ..so I guess this made me a candidate.
My life changed recently in many big ways.
I'm fast approaching my 61st birthbay ..and was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis about 8 years ago ..which dramaticaly changed my life and what I can do.
I still manage to work part time as Television repair tech ...so I was sort of coping.
18 months ago ..my dad died suddenly with a massive stroke..which was bad enough ...but he left my mum alone who has dementia.
So now I have MS and have to help take care of my mum with help from my sister.
I guess I have a good few reasons to be depressed and anxious.
I have also suffered for as long as I can remember with S.A.D
I recently revived my interest in restoring ..modding..and collecting old computers etc.
a) as therapy to keep my mind active.(I worry that if I dont I might end up like mum)
b) to give a sense of being in control of something ...to counteract my life spiralling out of my control.
c) to give me a purpose other than the day to day drudge.
d) to create a feeling of well being . Being part of a community like Vogons and share ideas with like minded people.
e) To feel I can stop pieces of history ending up in the trash. I guess in my way controlling death ableit machine death.
Yes I guess I am a bit of a saddo ...but I didn't real choose it ..
..it chose me.

I guess in short,this hobby has given me a pupose and making friends through Vogons and similar forums leaves me feeling less isolated.
best regards
VS
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Re: Link Between Depression and 'Collecting'?

Postby DaveJustDave » 2018-10-23 @ 17:19

Without going into the weeds, and omitting risk factors such as genetics, there is a simple way to look at it (please take with a grain of salt)

Our brains have a fight/flight response. When equilibrium and safety are threatened, your brain will engage this response - and there's a whole chemical/hormone reaction that takes place and the by product of this is stress.

After a while, when we realize we can't control these factors that cause us stress, we shut down and become depressed.

Collecting
- gives us control over a small finite subset of our lives
- lets us go back to happy fleeting moments in our past that we never quite finished with, and chase all the various nuances to their logical conclusions. That's why people go from picking up an old IBM clone one day, and end up collecting boxed versions of every revision of 19 different network cards the next.
- is predictable. If you find an old machine it'll either work or it doesn't. If it doesn't, you can figure out how to fix it. Imagine how much simpler this is than dealing with fickle, unreliable, disloyal people who don't always tell the truth or behave consistently.
- is rewarding. when you find something rare, or are hit by a wave of nostalgia from happier times, or you fix something and get it working - this is success, and you are happy.

tldr; collecting can be great when we use it to cope with life. When we completely retreat from life and stop engaging people and our commitments, then it crossed the border into mental illness.
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Re: Link Between Depression and 'Collecting'?

Postby Vipersan » 2018-10-23 @ 18:56

Totally Agree Dave..
you more or less confirmed what I posted earlier..and very eloquently I might add..
rgds
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Re: Link Between Depression and 'Collecting'?

Postby mrau » 2018-10-23 @ 19:59

what happened to You? why these thoughts?
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Re: Link Between Depression and 'Collecting'?

Postby brassicGamer » 2018-10-26 @ 18:25

It's so great to see so many detailed and honest responses on this topic - I had a feeling some would be willing to share their story so I am glad indeed that those who replied have taken the opportunity to do so. And also thank you for the amusing responses - this is a normal way to react to a subject that might be... awkward. I probably won't reply individually but I will read every word and perhaps share some further thoughts.

The medication topic in particular is interesting. I'm actually in the process of coming off my current meds because of the side effects but supposedly with the intention of going onto new ones. I think I will pass up that offer.
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Re: Link Between Depression and 'Collecting'?

Postby jxalex » 2018-10-26 @ 23:40

these pills and gearhoarding can be replaced with chips.

Then all this will take the time and the magic happens becouse instead of "want have" items there will be "want to do" projects, but which are just replacing enough all the above.
8051, AT89S51 and with some new experiments with them are fun besides. ;)
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Re: Link Between Depression and 'Collecting'?

Postby BeginnerGuy » 2018-10-27 @ 00:47

I don't take any medications but I guess you could label me somewhat depressed at times. I DO think the 1990s were the highest point of my life (up to now they were), so I have great nostalgia for those days - and maybe something in me thinks that having a few dos computers will fix it. I by no means hoard though, I only have a few (3) machines and a box or two of spare parts. I also suffered through some horrible anxiety when I quit my cigarette habit, I quit in May of '16 and believe I joined here in December of '16, so there's that too!

I do think there is a bit of a link. Maybe we're just searching for something that brings back the way we felt before life weighed us down. I was young in the 90s, so I would imagine that kind of thing is pretty typical.
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Re: Link Between Depression and 'Collecting'?

Postby Neco » 2018-10-27 @ 01:29

I don't take any medications. I have been on antidepressants in the past. I think some medications may also contribute to compulsive behavior.

However my two cents is this.

Collecting involves doing something you are passionate about, and ties into your reward center. It's kind of like people who eat because they are depressed. They eat junk food, etc. anything that sets off the pleasure center. Collecting can be that way for some people, finding another cool toy to play with, that machine you always wanted, etc.

I never found counseling helpful. I am an apathetic person. I know that sometimes I get really depressed, I have abused prescription narcotics although I was on them for legitimate purposes, but I got pigeonholed off them due to unrelated factors and then actually labled an addict when they failed to taper me properly and I was blowing through scripts, so I still do that but now I actually do it for fun (but very rarely due to access), because fuck it, I have no bridges left to burn so I might as well live my life how I want. I am not financially able to support myself, and I live with family. But I do hold a part time job, and genuinely buy my own personal effects, "toys" to play with, etc. I just lack income in sufficient quantity to actually move out and stay moved out.

Quiet and reserved but I open up to people when I know them. I have a lot to be depressed about. But I've made peace with the fact my life is miserable - I have no enduring desire to improve it or anything left. I got computers, other online activities, a bottle of everclear, and some hobbies. Just waiting for the country to implode or to drop dead of a heart attack or something lol
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Re: Link Between Depression and 'Collecting'?

Postby ElBrunzy » 2018-10-28 @ 07:17

managin vintage computers is what keeps me alive
http://junkskool.net/images/photos/wifi/IMG_7067.JPG
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Re: Link Between Depression and 'Collecting'?

Postby jheronimus » 2018-10-28 @ 10:16

I don't think I'm depressed — I believe that depression is an actual disease, a chemical imbalance, not a case of being "moody", even for prolonged periods of time. I read all the first hand reports from people who were actually diagnosed. I don't have physical pains, I don't have trouble "functioning" as in getting out of bed every day, going to work or looking after myself. My life just started sucking objectively a couple of years ago — it's not "in my head". It's a thing I need to fix, not treat with therapy or drugs.

Thing is, I've really been identifying myself through my job for most of my life, and at some point I got severely burnt out. The industry I'm in is in severe crisis, and I just don't feel like I'm making the progress I want to. I'm relatively young (28 years old), so I still can just change my job. But I've been doing it for 10 years now. Can't say I love it (as in "can't wait to get to my office"), but it still has its moments. It brings me a certain level of excitement and pride — at times. At some point work issues got mixed with lots of personal life drama, and as a result I've become more isolated and a lot less easy going than I used to be. But I think I've been slowly regaining control recently. I just need to get back that full sense of pride and excitement over what I do with my life. A sense of actually going somewhere and not moving in circles.

Now, my hobbies (retro computing and cooking) is something I do whenever I feel down. When I'm at my lowest, I need some sort of "mini-achievement" — a feeling of having accomplished something. That could be a great steak with sauce Bearnaise that took me a day in preparation and a couple of hours in cooking. That could be a 386 build that I've been working on for months. Both hobbies have something in common:

- they require skill and knowledge;
- they give me a good reason for going out — to source new parts or to visit a produce market;
- they make me learn something all the time;
- they let you make something with your own hands;
- they are social. I love cooking for other people (more for myself, honestly) and I love sourcing new parts. I meet new people when I go to other people's homes for parts. Sometimes I learn a bit of their story and the story behind the hardware. Sometimes I get to visit really weird places — like old laboratories, universities or flea markets.

I don't really think I'm a hoarder, too. Yes, when you're in this hobby, you tend to amass large quantities of hardware. But I've moved to a new apartment a couple of weeks ago. Before that I lived with my friends and we had this really large place (about 200 square meters) where I had lots of space for storage. Now I live alone in an apartment with a living room and a bedroom (around 50 square meters). From the very beginning I've decided that I want to keep this hobby, but I don't want my whole place to become a "hardware warehouse".

I'm using one closet and one chest of drawers for storage, and I have one corner in my living room where two of my "retro battlestations" live, connected by a KVM to a single screen, keyboard/mouse and speakers. Just yesterday I threw out a big box of all the stuff nobody would ever want, and this Tuesday I'm selling another box with 40 parts — mostly cheap Pentium motherboards, S3 videocards, CQM SoundBlasters and so on — and it's almost exclusively the stuff that I didn't spend a lot of money on, unlike the Voodoo cards or MIDI modules I have. My collection still allows me to build anything from XT to Socket 370. It's all still a work in progress, and I want to add retro-themed posters, action figures and stuff, but it's not a warehouse or mess.

And you know what? When I threw out the garbage and packed stuff for sale, I felt better. Sure I had too much stuff, but if I were a hoarder, I would probably feel uncomfortable parting with any of my "treasures" at all. I kept all that stuff just because I had a space, but I didn't have personal attachment to all of it.

I'm sorry this is such a long read, but I felt like I could share my story to show that retro hardware can actually be a positive and constructive hobby. It brings me joy at times when nothing else can.
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Re: Link Between Depression and 'Collecting'?

Postby sf78 » 2018-10-28 @ 11:24

ElBrunzy wrote:managin vintage computers is what keeps me alive
http://junkskool.net/images/photos/wifi/IMG_7067.JPG


That's a damn cozy setup right there!

I was a hoarder for a while as I had several "too good to pass" deals that flooded the house with rare and expensive gear. My main problem is that I only have a small storage area and I just can't fit everything there. That's why I have 7-8 desktops around the house, a few boxes here and there and closets full of stuff. However, I'm in a process of going through all the things I deem "essential" and discarding/selling the rest. To me the whole hobby is about tinkering with various items, upgrading systems, swapping parts, gaming etc. Not just getting more stuff I'll never use. Then again I don't live alone, I have a good job, keep myself fit by running with my dog and so on. In that regard, I don't think I really fit the depressed loner category and most people I know that share similar interest have a job and a family. I do know people who are obsessed with this thing and might have social problems and I see them getting really angry defending their arguments even if it's just a tiny details that most hobbyist won't care about. They also have vast knowledge about different hardware/software and are therefore indispensable to the whole community, even if they tend to act a bit awkward on the outside. So basically we're all needed here, the hoarder, the collector, the gamer and the coder. Depressed or not, rich or poor, there is always something you can help your fellow enthusiast with.
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Re: Link Between Depression and 'Collecting'?

Postby jxalex » 2018-10-28 @ 12:46

jheronimus wrote:I'm sorry this is such a long read, but I felt like I could share my story to show that retro hardware can actually be a positive and constructive hobby. It brings me joy at times when nothing else can.

It is marvellous, that some couple people can write longer than just couple lines. I really enjoy reading from people like You; who can use comma, do proper formatting, and so on. NOwadays the trouble is that people have the habit of writing just in one line sentences and wait the same way reply too.
You could even write longer. You are not the only one who has this habit. I enjoy reading, also some issues require proper longer articles as they cant be said with one word.
I remember in the past having long e-mails communication with other nerds and it was typical that I got messages with aprox 600..1000 lines. and as long messages I wrote too. 60-line mails were very normal, but now it seems extreme to most people.
HEy, whats wrong with that, people?!

Just nowadays most people cant/wont read books, which also makes communication difficult as they have no patience to read mail , if it is longer than couple lines. This inpatience-nuissance has influenced the computer-people too. Such people should have more patience than the average people becouse of manuals with >1000-pages! :)

And then I try to make it more readable by editing/shortening message... no result if it needs to be in 1 sentence. They want to read in 1 line sentences. The whole book spoonfeeded...
Hey, I despise instant messaging in some situations where it is needed to think and to get whole information package at once.
Unfortunate, there are no proper help in the program menus, also printable offline manuals belong in the past. :( While needing help it redirects to forum. How lazy can the developers be?!


jheronimus wrote:Just yesterday I threw out a big box of all the stuff nobody would ever want, and this Tuesday I'm selling another box with 40 parts — mostly cheap Pentium motherboards, S3 videocards, CQM SoundBlasters and so on — and it's almost exclusively the stuff that I didn't spend a lot of money on, unlike the Voodoo cards or MIDI modules I have. My collection still allows me to build anything from XT to Socket 370. It's all still a work in progress, and I want to add retro-themed posters, action figures and stuff, but it's not a warehouse or mess.


I would not be so sure about this. It seems that the people here are glad about everything. Besides cheap motherboards are good for expansion card development too with their experiments (yes, even if they have just PCI).


jheronimus wrote:I don't think I'm depressed — I believe that depression is an actual disease, a chemical imbalance, not a case of being "moody", even for prolonged periods of time.


You are right about it. It is about food we eat too and things which should not be eaten. And it really is overdiagnosed becouse in pharmacy it is a big business, just like messing about cholesterol levels and to put people to statins (whereas there is zero cases which ended with positive result!). The goal is not to make people healthy, but to keep ON the drugs for a prolonged time for the rest of the life as it makes the industry to tick. To make dependant.
WHy otherwise the scientists who really care about health have a reasoning how it should be cured (AND with near zero costs to patient!) then they will be harrassed and ridiculed.
THe biggest dangers are about the epilepsy "medicine".
There are also cases where people have been diagnosed a cancer while there was nothing, and the opposite ways too. In "one big big big country" it is thus better to not give yourself to doctors alive.



My life just started sucking objectively a couple of years ago — it's not "in my head". It's a thing I need to fix, not treat with therapy or drugs.


Exactly! it is NOT You. It is how some institutions try to re-program people and to see such situations as "normal", which is ridiculous . Also putting to them the false identifications what they really are not.
Oh yeah, cant handle the stress of the 20 hour work? - take a pill; cant cope with financial difficulties? - take another pill; You dont like the banks? - take next pill.
And there are such ridiculous articles that "scientists found a link between the health and relative income"... ;-)


Atleast something in our inside says that something is really not as it is showed to us, it is not
the world what we like? The massmedia with all things say that which is good and how it should be, and thus people try to align towards these things, but then it is disappointment as it is NOT at all so pleasant as it is shown. It is hyped and not worth it actually. In this category I put some people who try to copy many things seen in TV and commercials, and while living in that dream they are really unhappy and crying without reason while cant point a finger to a certain problem. What happens if I really do not like to work from 9-17 life? What if I despise towns? (then I hear most likely "Take a pill and adapt and do it anyway"). What if there are actually nothing to choose from the society what I need? What if I do not like that multicultural thing whats pressed upon us? What if I do not like that M$ things? For a work it is different, but just as a person and at home I have different needs which is necessary to have a healthy life.
Oh wait, in a capitalistic society there is no such word as "need" , all is just "want have" as calculated in money. All is formed, adapted and is available just like shoe with one size only to which people must adapt. (except those who we are not allowed to criticize and to point fingers).

THe good way should be to find out the way how that humanbeing really likes to be and wants, but the surrounding is actually not helpful to find his/her own way but rather opposite -- they apply pressure to form them so they should be "adapted" into the society into this moneypussyworshiping society, where traditions, history, religion, ...and many old virtues have no place like feelings and empathy as these are obstacles to serve that false god - Banks, Money. Just a one single thing which is ruling over the churches and president too in many countries - banks. Thats the root of evil and cause for many troubles in the most elementary needs too which is required for wellbeing. In a places where everything is in abundance people are more friendly too and there is no use with theft.

I often feel that it would be great to have such neighbours who do such things. I remember that the most pleasant side effect was while doing all that together in a computer class (at the evening when the rest of the school was empty) with 10 other fanatics. That is much different feeling when 10 nerds are in the same room working for a same goal, than just separated by distance and internet is the only communication medium.
Thus, conclusion - that social part the internet cant substitute I think.

I just need to get back that full sense of pride and excitement over what I do with my life. A sense of actually going somewhere and not moving in circles.

If you find the solution for this before I do, let me know too. I have the same problem.

And you know what? When I threw out the garbage and packed stuff for sale, I felt better. Sure I had too much stuff, but if I were a hoarder, I would probably feel uncomfortable parting with any of my "treasures" at all. I kept all that stuff just because I had a space, but I didn't have personal attachment to all of it.

JUst do not throw out these items which You had something to do in the past(your own recorded cassettes, your first computer expansion cards etc. ). SEveral things were just like that -- when I throw out then I want it back later. I did the same thing -- threw out as garbage and after 5 years I wanted and seeked it back! It applied to me as for a old cassettes and cassette decks, some old germanium transistors and hey, now when I started to develop expansion cards I need also 386 and ISA bus video card.

[several edits for readability and shortening message]
Last edited by jxalex on 2018-10-28 @ 14:26, edited 4 times in total.
Current project: DOS ISA soundcard with 24bit/96Khz digital I/O, SB16 compatible switchable.
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jxalex
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