sliderider wrote:

I had one of those floating/flying/falling dreams once but I'm not sure it was really a dream. At the end of the dream, I felt myself falling but in dreams you don't literally bounce off of the bed and end up on the floor at the end of the fall. I am convinced that something was in the room that night lifting me in the air and dropped me suddenly when I started to wake up. Either that or my subconscious mind was levitating me and it was no longer able to when I woke up so I fell.

I guess, the second possibility is more likely(under certain conditions) than the first. However, I doubt either to be the case here. It might be that you were feeling the 'flying/falling' in your dream and at some point you rolled over and fell from your bed, just waking up before you hit the floor(I'm assuming that the 'point' at which you woke up, you were at a level somewhere between the surface of the bed & the floor and not at a level above the surface of the bed(in which case you have to be absolutely positive that it was real as you are just waking up and your BIOS has not completely POSTed yet) ).

sliderider wrote:

I had one of those floating/flying/falling dreams once but I'm not sure it was really a dream. At the end of the dream, I felt myself falling but in dreams you don't literally bounce off of the bed and end up on the floor at the end of the fall. I am convinced that something was in the room that night lifting me in the air and dropped me suddenly when I started to wake up. Either that or my subconscious mind was levitating me and it was no longer able to when I woke up so I fell.

There's actually a real explanation for why this happens and it's not supernatural or anything as a lot of people get this. It's related to how "sleep paralysis" works, the thing that keeps people from acting out their dreams. :B

@gandhig
I said that in jest 😀

archsan wrote:

@gandhig
I said that in jest 😀

No worries @archsan 😀. I too was expressing my opinion only. Everybody have their own opinions and I respect that completely(as long as it doesn't hurt).

It's really difficult to bring out the mood in writing, as many have said before(I guess, I will use a lot of smilies from now on).

Well since this thread can't get any more off topic, I figure I will throw my two cents in for Draconihil.
I battle with depression on a daily basis. Some days are better than others. I am lightyears beyond where I was in my 20s but still feel like my life is a mess.

Things that have helped: exercise, setting attainable goals (and working to meet them), medication and cognitive therapy. The medication is not a magic bullet like most people seem to think it is, rather, it gets you to a point where everything doesn't seem like absolute shit and you can go about your day. Patton Oswalt has a really great bit where he talks about it. Exercise probably helps me nearly as much when I can find time to do it, and having a non-judgemental party to talk to helps/helped also. But this is something I will struggle with until the day I die.

Just based on your avatar name you chose (nihil for nihilism I'm guessing?) tells me you're probably a pretty unhappy guy. And I'm not saying you need to or should be happy, or feel like you have to put on an act for other people. Not everyone can (or should) be happy all the time, that is nearly as ridiculous as being miserable all the time. But it seems like you feel things should be different and are looking for a way to change that?

Based on other things you have said, you might want to at least go talk to a professional (psychiatrist/psychologist). I think you're in Norway? I don't know what their healthcare system is like but it has to be better than the US. If it was just the depression stuff I would say maybe you could deal with it without medication (depending on severity) but if you're having days where you're having visual/audible hallucinations something else is going on. You could have a brain tumor, be developing schizophrenia, who knows what. It might be good to at least rule that out.

RacoonRider wrote:

When I had 2 hours night sleep and, as a result, fell asleep next evening watching Shakespear's Richard the Third in the cinema with my girlfriend, I fell asleep and wispered "Intel went with 440FX as their first chip set for PII. They should not have left Socket 7, 430 TX and HX were way more advanced, you know" and then "I wish I had a gold-plated pentium".

In some way, you're not alone.

I totally burst out laughing! 🤣

Thanks btw, I'm in a library. 😜

snorg wrote:

Well since this thread can't get any more off topic, I figure I will throw my two cents in for Draconihil. I battle with depres […]
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Well since this thread can't get any more off topic, I figure I will throw my two cents in for Draconihil.
I battle with depression on a daily basis. Some days are better than others. I am lightyears beyond where I was in my 20s but still feel like my life is a mess.

Things that have helped: exercise, setting attainable goals (and working to meet them), medication and cognitive therapy. The medication is not a magic bullet like most people seem to think it is, rather, it gets you to a point where everything doesn't seem like absolute shit and you can go about your day. Patton Oswalt has a really great bit where he talks about it. Exercise probably helps me nearly as much when I can find time to do it, and having a non-judgemental party to talk to helps/helped also. But this is something I will struggle with until the day I die.

Just based on your avatar name you chose (nihil for nihilism I'm guessing?) tells me you're probably a pretty unhappy guy. And I'm not saying you need to or should be happy, or feel like you have to put on an act for other people. Not everyone can (or should) be happy all the time, that is nearly as ridiculous as being miserable all the time. But it seems like you feel things should be different and are looking for a way to change that?

Based on other things you have said, you might want to at least go talk to a professional (psychiatrist/psychologist). I think you're in Norway? I don't know what their healthcare system is like but it has to be better than the US. If it was just the depression stuff I would say maybe you could deal with it without medication (depending on severity) but if you're having days where you're having visual/audible hallucinations something else is going on. You could have a brain tumor, be developing schizophrenia, who knows what. It might be good to at least rule that out.

I call myself "DracoNihil" because I have no name. I'm a dragon without a name, and we dragons don't even have a use for such constructs anyways. I do know about nihilism but it is not something I practice myself.

The only thing I'm looking to change is to stop the screaming I hear every so often if I let my mind lapse enough, and for once in my life actually experience true happiness (Such happiness that is genuine and will last)... Perhaps even start having less morbid dreams, maybe perhaps even see my reflection finally within the realm of my dreams.

I've tried doing productive things, but all in all it just seems like wasted effort. Everything that I enjoy becomes things I don't enjoy anymore, and I can't find anything to enjoy now... It's been quite a ridiculous problem.

Finding professional help is impossible because I lack any sort of money for such a thing.

Also, I live in the states, as it says in my location string I set on my profile here at VOGONS.

Sorry, could have sworn you said Norway at some point, probably should
have double-checked. Yes, in the US it is tougher, maybe you can
find someone that does pro-bono therapy or counseling? I don't know
if you have any religious beliefs, but priests/pastors/rabbis etc often
have some type of counseling training in addition to their religious studies.
Again, maybe not an option but putting it out there.
Saint johns wort is supposed to be a natural anti-depressant, you could
give that a go.
If nothing else, maybe you could try and find some sort of online support group?
That might help, especially if you're not comfortable talking face to face with
someone.

The major problem with seeking any form of medicine is the fact that, over the counter medicine for simple things like flu, headaches and what not have zero effect on me and in some cases make symptoms worsen. I don't even want to think what any psychoactive drug would do to me given my mental state of being these days... So I've been avoiding any and all forms of medicine for as long as I've been able to thus far.

I still have harsh memories of what Riddilin did to me in my early kindergarten\preschool years...

I don't believe in any sort of "God", as when I've studied various religious texts I've found the Abrahamic deity to be a vengeful entity and wouldn't dare want to worship such a thing as some form of faith\salvation beacon. While I believe myself to be a dragon I don't think that counts me as being "religious" per-se...

My mother is a devout Christian believer and all that has ever brung me is more drama and depression because she refuses to find a deeper understanding in me and would rather believe all the wrongs in my life are from my separation from "Jesus Christ"... I given up hope on relying on my own "mother" for any kind of emotional and mental support as a result of her actions towards me.

"True Happiness" is actually really easy to find... the catch is that it's a fleeting emotion and isn't always powerful enough to override the negative feelings the average person will feel. Negative feelings are typically far more powerful and easier to remember than positive feelings, so it's easy to feel like everything absolutely sucks despite the things and people in your life who make it better.

This is why I said, whenever you have some good feelings, no matter how insignificant, just latch onto them and don't let your negative feelings ruin the experience, reminding yourself that you're allowed to be happy the whole way through. It's very hard and will take lots and lots and lots of effort and attempts, but eventually (and this will take years) you'll have enough positive feelings going on that no matter how terrible things get, you'll always have hope for things to get better. You'll be transformed from your present state into a survivor: Someone who can hold onto their ideals and their beliefs without being driven to madness by the world around them which wants them to go against their nature.

...yes, I'm speaking from experience. ;)

Depression can kick in on everyone, I think everyone has a little bit of it inside of them 😀. I'm generally a happy guy, but I have my darker moments when I want to close the door on everyone and just leave. Being with someone you love can be very helpful, everything just seems to make sense, although when you're apart you may have dark thoughts about them too.

This past year I've been consistently having nightmares (there are some happier dreams sometimes, but mostly nightmares). I've always had quite the vivid imagination and this can hit me very hard in dreams. I have seen people I love die and woken up in tears and sweat. However, I also find some solitude in those nightmares. There's just something compelling about them. I was about to become lucid in one of them, when my alarm clock went off and it all started to fade away 😒 .

DracoNihil, I can't really help you other than tell you to do your best to find happiness where you can. "True Happiness" is kind of a smoke screen, like Gemini already said, and life apparently is all about the changes in emotion. You have to be a little sad to truly appreciate happiness. Louis C.K. had an interesting bit where he was a little more serious than usual. I loved it, so I'm posting it here.
Best of luck to you 😀.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5HbYScltf1c

Yeah, definitely watch the Louis CK clip.
I really don't know what other advice I could offer at this point.
I know there are resources out there for people with little or no
means to pay, they are just hard to find. I think Lifehacker had
an article about that very thing a few weeks ago, I would look
at their site.

And while you say you're not religious, at least consider talking to
a clergy person from a religion or denomination different than your own.
They will probably be significantly less hardcore about trying to convert you.

DracoNihil wrote:

So I've been avoiding any and all forms of medicine for as long as I've been able to thus far. I still have harsh memories of what Riddilin did to me in my early kindergarten\preschool years...

I'd say that you're doing good to avoid medicating yourself if you could. For a lot of reasons. For years I've been researching on my own about nutrition and health--in order to 'cure' myself (migraines, allergies, chronic fatigue etc). Well, to make it short, it's a lot safer to try to balance our biology through the right use of nutrition than with medical drugs. I can't emphasize enough how tremendous the effect of our environment and the things we put into (and through) our body could be.

Also, the good thing about exercise, as snorg has brought up, is that it helps our body to rebalance our breathing. Anything we can do to improve our breathing is good. There is an informative site on this subject if you're interested.

I don't believe in any sort of "God", as when I've studied various religious texts I've found the Abrahamic deity to be a vengeful entity and wouldn't dare want to worship such a thing as some form of faith\salvation beacon. While I believe myself to be a dragon I don't think that counts me as being "religious" per-se...

My mother is a devout Christian believer and all that has ever brung me is more drama and depression because she refuses to find a deeper understanding in me and would rather believe all the wrongs in my life are from my separation from "Jesus Christ"... I given up hope on relying on my own "mother" for any kind of emotional and mental support as a result of her actions towards me.

Now I can understand this, because I was (and still am) in the same boat. For a period I was studying the scripture of the religion I've been raised in, getting through the barriers of the language, trying to read it fresh and interpret it without the traditional biases. ... Well, it has taken some time for me to finally be able to let it all go. I mean I've always known inside that there is something very close and divine within, but I eventually had to make the choice to go beyond the fear, the anger, and most importantly for me, beyond the guilt.

Of course, some episodes of conflict with the family is unavoidable in these matters. The more "religious" the background of your family the more dramatic it would be. I was going to say something about compassion toward yourself and your family, but hey, I'm still working on it myself... 😀 On the other hand, regarding the "not relying on your family" part--even for something as essential as emotional and mental support... Well, I'd actually say that there is a great blessing in this.

But for now, I'm deeply interested in what you said here:

DracoNihil wrote:

The only thing I'm looking to change is to stop the screaming I hear every so often if I let my mind lapse enough, and for once in my life actually experience true happiness (Such happiness that is genuine and will last)... Perhaps even start having less morbid dreams, maybe perhaps even see my reflection finally within the realm of my dreams.

What if you could have all that and more? The question is, will you?

I'm asking this because, well, one thing I know about pain and suffering and depression itself -- is how attractive, how seductive they could be. How comfortable and familiar they could be. Perhaps it's not as much a matter of "finding happiness" as much as letting these things go? Please understand that you are never a victim of your mind, and you are never a victim of your dreams.

There is a good metaphor on thoughts, or the voices of the mind: they're like trains that would come and cross your way all the time. Sometimes it seems like there's no choice but to go with any train that comes your way. Indeed they may come with strong, loud, dramatic, intimidating noises. But the truth is that you don't have to go with them. You can just let them pass, because they're not really yours to begin with. Only the trains/thoughts/voices/imaginations that you choose to "ride" on, that would then become yours.

One thing you might want to try --if breathing, meditating, or exercising seems irrelevant to you at this moment-- is to challenge those screamings. Go to some place where you can scream at them even louder. I did that many times myself, especially in the car. It's like that Louis CK story. Be alone, start feeling sad--real sad--, get those tears down and out of the eyes, and scream the hell out of it, it's really nobody else's business, just me and myself. And then suddenly the relief would come rushing in. It's a beautiful experience on its own. My point is, if you don't start saying, or better yet, screaming, "NO!" to these voices and images, they'll keep coming back at you. And honestly, it's because you yourself allow them to affect you. Whether you realize it or not, that was your choice.

As you begin taking claim of your life over these voices in your conscious/wake state, you may find that these voices actually could not do anything to you. Even if they're still there at first. Then you may actually find some glimpse of calm even in the middle of the screaming. Then you may begin experiencing some peace with yourself. Then you could begin experiencing your true self in your dreams (and it's gonna be most awesome when that happens) just like you want. But will you make that choice?

There are some really good advices by vogons fellows here. But honestly, if I were still deep in depression, chances are I wouldn't listen to anything until I start to ask myself some really hard questions.

My experience has been that if you are working on something technical right up until you go to bed then you are going to have nightmares about it. A long time ago I developed the habit of reading a fiction book for an hour before going to bed (unfortunately I now have enough paperback books to stock a library)