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Horrible box art

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Reply 20 of 47, by JayCeeBee64

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Someone wants bouncy tunes desperately 🤣

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"I am the eye in the sky
Looking at you-u-u
I can read your mind..."

Ooohh, the pain......

Reply 21 of 47, by F2bnp

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Anonymous Coward wrote:

I really hated that time in the late 90s when every retail box for PC hardware seemed to have some idiot's face or some "cool people" plastered on the front. I guess this one is from a bit later...but still.

I really want to punch that guy.

I don't know why, but I feel like we had this same discussion a few years ago.

I know exactly what you mean. And who the hell thought putting that screaming kid in the ASUS GeForce 256 box was a good idea?

Reply 22 of 47, by leileilol

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Screaming? That kid looks more like some SUCCESS meme than anything, but for 1999 that isn't really resonating, unless if of course, a christmas present recipient were a kid, in a GEFORCE TWOOOFIFTYSIIIIIIIIIIIIIIX OMGOMGOMGOMGOMG YES YES YESSSSSSSSS YES!!!! but for 1999 I can't imagine that happening unless the kid had jumped from a ViRGE/Rage Pro to this.

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Reply 24 of 47, by xjas

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F2bnp wrote:
Some years ago there was an interesting version of Jazz Jackrabbit up for sale on E-bay: […]
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Some years ago there was an interesting version of Jazz Jackrabbit up for sale on E-bay:

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I showed this to a friend of mine and he remarked " What the hell does John McClane have to do with Jazz? " 🤣 . I also posted this on Jazz2 Online and hilarity ensued:

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Someone snatched it, but (un)fortunately never uploaded a higher quality scan 😜.

Oh man, that is gold. Everything from the wifebeater to the crude re-coloring & attempt to make the beefy arms look 'furry' is just brilliance. It's like the Jazz franchise got its "gritty re-boot" 15 years before that became the thing to do. Love the screenshot too.

I have a few disks from that distributor, they were the epitome of '90s shovelware. Whatever they could stuff on a floppy, dubiously legal or not, they'd be happy to sell you for a few bucks a disk at the rack up by the till.

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Reply 25 of 47, by xjas

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Darkman wrote:
https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/b/b0/NinjaGolf.jpg […]
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NinjaGolf.jpg

So bad , its great.

I see no problem with this. I mean, what else are you going to put on the box for "Ninja Golf"? The premise of the game itself may not have been very well thought through, but if that's what you have to work with for the art? Bang on.

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Reply 26 of 47, by F2bnp

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xjas wrote:

Oh man, that is gold. Everything from the wifebeater to the crude re-coloring & attempt to make the beefy arms look 'furry' is just brilliance. It's like the Jazz franchise got its "gritty re-boot" 15 years before that became the thing to do. Love the screenshot too.

I have a few disks from that distributor, they were the epitome of '90s shovelware. Whatever they could stuff on a floppy, dubiously legal or not, they'd be happy to sell you for a few bucks a disk at the rack up by the till.

You nailed it with the gritty reboot comment. 🤣 Does this distributor have any other utterly terrible cover art?

Reply 27 of 47, by xjas

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^^ I dunno, here's the only 'boxed' one I have immediately accessible:

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It's just kind of generic rather than truly horrible. The funny part was I found this brand new, still in shrink wrap, in a flea market in Auckland in 2014. I had the same disk when I was a kid & was really into the early CG stuff, it was like a prize then. The disk contains six or seven .fli animations ripped from BBSes and DPaint, and a batch file that plays them in sequence until it hits a typo and stops. 😜

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Reply 28 of 47, by xjas

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jazz-duke.jpg

I made this (instead of marking papers FYI) as a dumb joke based on the above ... but I'm not gonna lie, I'd play the hell out of it.

And frankly it's pretty appropriate for this thread.

Edit: Also, you should have this in your head after looking at it.

twitch.tv/oldskooljay - playing the obscure, forgotten & weird - most Tuesdays & Thursdays @ 6:30 PM PDT. Bonus streams elsewhen!

Reply 29 of 47, by sf78

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xjas wrote:

I see no problem with this. I mean, what else are you going to put on the box for "Ninja Golf"? The premise of the game itself may not have been very well thought through, but if that's what you have to work with for the art? Bang on.

What I find horrible is that the dude is holding a Scimitar instead of a Katana! 😵

Reply 30 of 47, by F2bnp

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xjas wrote:

I made this (instead of marking papers FYI) as a dumb joke based on the above ... but I'm not gonna lie, I'd play the hell out of it.

And frankly it's pretty appropriate for this thread.

Edit: Also, you should have this in your head after looking at it.

😲

Woah, that's a great mock job! Laughed my ass off 🤣 .

Reply 32 of 47, by Darkman

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xjas wrote:
Darkman wrote:

So bad , its great.

I see no problem with this. I mean, what else are you going to put on the box for "Ninja Golf"? The premise of the game itself may not have been very well thought through, but if that's what you have to work with for the art? Bang on.

I think the fact they used an actual actor as opposed to artwork , is probably partly why its so cheesy looking in my eyes

Reply 33 of 47, by sf78

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These two. The US cover is a horribly rendered and the EU version just takes this artsy approach that just doesn't tell you anything.

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Reply 34 of 47, by brassicGamer

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xjas wrote:

Edit: Also, you should have this in your head after looking at it.

I actually really liked it! It's better than the Megadeth version.

Check out my blog and YouTube channel for thoughts, articles, system profiles, and tips.

Reply 35 of 47, by clueless1

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xjas wrote:
Look at it! […]
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Look at it!

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What were they thinking??

Let's see yours.

Very interesting, considering this is an Apple product? I don't know how many of you are familiar with the Apple Mockingboard. It was the first high-end soundcard I ever owned, and it brought the Apple IIe alive! Have a look at it's box art and tell me if you see any similarities. 😉

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Interesting that two different Apple sound devices have Picasso-styled art.

Last edited by clueless1 on 2016-02-25, 20:55. Edited 1 time in total.

The more I learn, the more I realize how much I don't know.
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Reply 36 of 47, by Errius

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Free dose of measles with every card bought!

“Your mission is to attack and destroy the Apple Computer manufacturing plant. You are allotted 35 bombs and 60 lasers."

Reply 37 of 47, by clueless1

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Audician 32 Plus has some cheesy 80's guitarist trying to look cool.

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The more I learn, the more I realize how much I don't know.
OPL3 FM vs. Roland MT-32 vs. General MIDI DOS Game Comparison
Let's benchmark our systems with cache disabled
DOS PCI Graphics Card Benchmarks

Reply 38 of 47, by gerwin

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*wondering* If there is an Audician 32 plus, there should also be an Audician 16 minus?
These generic boxes with generic names and just a checkbox on the side to mark which card model is actually inside... Got a nasty surprise because of that once. The pictured soundcard is fine of course.

--> ISA Soundcard Overview // Doom MBF 2.04 // SetMul

Reply 39 of 47, by xjas

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clueless1 wrote:

Very interesting, considering this is an Apple product? I don't know how many of you are familiar with the Apple Mockingboard. It was the first high-end soundcard I ever owned, and it brought the Apple IIe alive! Have a look at it's box art and tell me if you see any similarities. 😉

Mockingboard-v1a-Docs-resized.jpg

Interesting that two different Apple sound devices have Picasso-styled art.

I actually like that. At least it looks like they had some art direction in mind instead of getting the CEO's 9-year-old kid to make it in MacPaint.

twitch.tv/oldskooljay - playing the obscure, forgotten & weird - most Tuesdays & Thursdays @ 6:30 PM PDT. Bonus streams elsewhen!