Do you live in North America? If yes, then the answer is no.
Also, never mix work and play.

keenmaster486 wrote:

@beastlike: I can clearly imagine her reaction to that: Her: "What is this?" Me: "It's a retro DOS gaming machine! Look how cool […]
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@beastlike: I can clearly imagine her reaction to that:
Her: "What is this?"
Me: "It's a retro DOS gaming machine! Look how cool it is! It even has a 5.25" floppy drive!!"
Her: *looks at me with "wut" glare*
It does not end well 🤣

If she is unable to recognize the beauty of a 5.25'' floppy drive then she does not deserve you! 😁

But yeah, like the others said, just go for it! I regret not having gone forward in similar circumstances in the past (more than one time) 😢

In case everything else fails, you can try as a last resort to wow her with knowledge about jumper settings for obscure 486 motherboards! That has to work, right? 😅

Anonymous Coward wrote:

Do you live in North America? If yes, then the answer is no.
Also, never mix work and play.

Yes, I live in the States. But this isn't work, it's college. Sorry, I must have been ambiguous about that.

Kreshna Aryaguna Nurzaman wrote:

Me: *shows her my most innocent face* "Why, yes. In fact, you're the very first woman ever got this close."
Her: *laughs* "Liar!"

Then we "got busy", if you know what I mean.....

🤣
She would not appreciate this. Just saying.

Girls like mistery... so don't be upfront and direct about it... Say: you kinda like her but need more time (or not sure yet...) - in a funny way. Never be too serious and keep the mistery so she'll want more...

[quote="TheMobRules"
If she is unable to recognize the beauty of a 5.25'' floppy drive then she does not deserve you! 😁[/quote]
Hey a 5.25 inch floppy may be something beautiful, but make sure not to show her the 8" floppy, that could be intimidating 😎

keenmaster486 wrote:

Anonymous Coward wrote:

Do you live in North America? If yes, then the answer is no.
Also, never mix work and play.

Yes, I live in the States. But this isn't work, it's college. Sorry, I must have been ambiguous about that.

But you're still doing work at school. My point is that if your plan backfires on you, you're still going to run into this person frequently.

I admit I am quite biased. I think American women in particular are dangerous (Christian or not). Save yourself the trauma and just find a nice one from Eastern Europe or East Asia. They tend to be nerdier and more family oriented. Immigrants and 2nd gens don't count.

Anonymous Coward wrote:

keenmaster486 wrote:

Anonymous Coward wrote:

Do you live in North America? If yes, then the answer is no.
Also, never mix work and play.

Yes, I live in the States. But this isn't work, it's college. Sorry, I must have been ambiguous about that.

But you're still doing work at school. My point is that if your plan backfires on you, you're still going to run into this person frequently.

I admit I am quite biased. I think American women in particular are dangerous (Christian or not).

I second this.

Anonymous Coward wrote:

But you're still doing work at school. My point is that if your plan backfires on you, you're still going to run into this person frequently.

keenmaster, I can't imagine any kind of "backfire" that, as a result, you will be seriously irritated by just seeing her frequently. At worst, it's just as long as the term/project finishes. This should not be a deciding factor for you.

Anonymous Coward wrote:

I admit I am quite biased. I think American women in particular are dangerous (Christian or not). Save yourself the trauma and just find a nice one from Eastern Europe or East Asia. They tend to be nerdier and more family oriented. Immigrants and 2nd gens don't count.

This is just a generalization, and like all other generalizations related to human beings, it is meaningless when it comes to evaluate a single individual, such as the young lady you are proposing to have a coffee with. Plus, you are not at this moment asking her to marry you (although at the end, this might be a possibility for future) and you probably don't have other candidates waiting for you with eastern European and/or Asian origins. 🤣

This is just an invitation for having coffee together, man, it's that simple. Don't go into paralysis by analysis. Just do it! 🤣

beastlike wrote:

This is guaranteed to work. […]
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This is guaranteed to work.

Put together an authentic 90's DOS gaming rig with a nice beige box, OPL2(+) ISA card, 486/MMX, Voodoo graphics, USB PCI card, and a 5.25 floppy drive. The 5.25 drive is critical. Do NOT skip this step. Yes, include a 3.5 as well. Include a period-accurate 5-Pin DIN keyboard, but a new USB mouse.

Tie a bow on it, lug it into a common setting, hoist it atop her desk and wait for her to speak, and be sure to LISTEN. It's not all about you you you.

But regardless of what she says, next step is, tell her you think she's cute and ask her if like to go out some time.

Tell us when the wedding is.

Do NOT do this. If it comes out through the course of events naturally through conversation that she shares your hobby, great.
I realize the above may very well be "tongue-in-cheek" but trust me, this is the type of thing that would backfire horribly.

**Edit** - Do consider buying a book on body language (not one of those Players or Pick Up Artist books, though). Seriously, this is everything. Knowing which women to even approach in the first place, since they are giving off a signal of being interested in you, will help you tremendously. I went from having absolutely no success with women to actually being able to seal the deal, as it were. And then realized, in horror, of all my missed opportunities as I flashed back to all the girls/women I though were just being nice but were actually interested in me.

I will give you a freebie: she tilts her head and exposes her neck while she is talking to you, she's into you. Or fiddles with her hair. If her body language is neutral or god forbid she's sitting across from you arms crossed, just move along.

Anonymous Coward wrote:

I admit I am quite biased. I think American women in particular are dangerous (Christian or not).

I guess I don't understand - do you mean "dangerous" as in "turns you in for sexual assault when you ask her for a paperclip" kind of dangerous?

tayyare wrote:

This is just an invitation for having coffee together, man, it's that simple. Don't go into paralysis by analysis. Just do it!

*Sigh* Yeah, that's what I keep telling myself, but I keep chickening out 🤣

snorg wrote:

Do NOT do this. If it comes out through the course of events naturally through conversation that she shares your hobby, great.

😁 Yeah, I know. I already mentioned my antique cameras and got a polite "Oh, that's really cool".

snorg wrote:

I will give you a freebie: she tilts her head and exposes her neck while she is talking to you, she's into you. Or fiddles with her hair. If her body language is neutral or god forbid she's sitting across from you arms crossed, just move along.

I have heard this sort of thing. A lot of it is pretty intuitive, but I'm so oblivious that most of the time I can't remember anything except her face 😵

Asking someone out for coffee wont backfire unless you are really creepy about it, no matter if its a co-worker or class mate. Ive tried both in the past and it never caused trouble. If you are cool, then they will be cool. After all, its just coffee so that you can talk and get to know each other. Its not like you ask her to be the mother of your babies. By now you dont even know for sure if you will like her when you get to know her better either, and thats why you go for coffee. You have three possible outcomes: nothing, friendship, and relationship - it cant go wrong. Just be honest and dont wrap things up in weird excuses or cheesy pickup lines. Girls (or any person for that matter) like it that way too, because if you act awkward towards someone then they will feel awkward too.

Btw by now you have already wasted at least 3 days overthinking this situation. Ask her out for coffee first thing next time you see her. If its a no then you have piece in mind. If its a yes and it goes well, then ask her out again and call your first-born s0ren 😁

You dont win the lottery if you dont play 😉

I agree, except I don't think chance has anything to do with how people get along! Take things slow and enjoy the moment. You wouldn't want to put any pressure on her, so why put pressure on yourself when there's no reason.

Anonymous Coward wrote:

But you're still doing work at school. My point is that if your plan backfires on you, you're still going to run into this person frequently.

I don't see a problem in this. I've banged a girl from work and we see every day, it's fine. I've also hit on other girls from work who didn't warm up, it's okay too as long as you're not a creep.

I admit I am quite biased. I think American women in particular are dangerous (Christian or not).

What?! US women are the best! They don't hold back in bed and are willing to do anything. Most Europeans are too old school with all the dating and talking and s**t. Eastern Europe has the looks, but the girls are more suited to kitchen duty than equal partners. They tend to value strong men over weaklings, so unless you have M-class Merc and a handgun, don't bother. Baltic states, however, are a lost cause. Full of hipsters and trendy organic restaurants and whatnot. All the males under 30 wear scarfs and handbags. It's like they copied all the worst parts of NY.

sf78 wrote:

Anonymous Coward wrote:

I admit I am quite biased. I think American women in particular are dangerous (Christian or not).

What?! US women are the best! They don't hold back in bed and are willing to do anything. Most Europeans are too old school with all the dating and talking and s**t. Eastern Europe has the looks, but the girls are more suited to kitchen duty than equal partners. They tend to value strong men over weaklings, so unless you have M-class Merc and a handgun, don't bother. Baltic states, however, are a lost cause. Full of hipsters and trendy organic restaurants and whatnot. All the males under 30 wear scarfs and handbags. It's like they copied all the worst parts of NY.

Well, answering a generalization with another generalization is really a good idea? I wonder what your sample size really is. 🤣

What, cultural differences exist?! NO WAI!
If this plain fact of life inspires you to get either too hung up on someone's background, or worked up over 'generalizations', you're doing it wrong. 😉 Just be smart about it, tailor your expectations and be alert for individual nuances.

sf78 wrote:

I don't see a problem in this. I've banged a girl from work and we see every day, it's fine. I've also hit on other girls from w […]
Show full quote

Anonymous Coward wrote:

But you're still doing work at school. My point is that if your plan backfires on you, you're still going to run into this person frequently.

I don't see a problem in this. I've banged a girl from work and we see every day, it's fine. I've also hit on other girls from work who didn't warm up, it's okay too as long as you're not a creep.

I admit I am quite biased. I think American women in particular are dangerous (Christian or not).

What?! US women are the best! They don't hold back in bed and are willing to do anything. Most Europeans are too old school with all the dating and talking and s**t. Eastern Europe has the looks, but the girls are more suited to kitchen duty than equal partners. They tend to value strong men over weaklings, so unless you have M-class Merc and a handgun, don't bother. Baltic states, however, are a lost cause. Full of hipsters and trendy organic restaurants and whatnot. All the males under 30 wear scarfs and handbags. It's like they copied all the worst parts of NY.

So when you talk to her, don't act like this guy!

It sounds like you are suffering from "one-itis," the notion that there is only one girl for you and that finding her is tantamount to winning the lottery.

What you need to understand is that women are like water - they're everywhere, but the more desperately you try to hold onto them the more they will squeeze through your fingers. The fact is that there are tens of thousands of other women who are just like your special snowflake, and when you realize this you will see that there is nothing to be anxious about.

The best advice you've received thus far has been to chill out, be casual, and show interest in small doses in a relaxed manner. Don't place her under pressure, don't put her on a pedestal, and don't agonize over the outcome. Don't tell her you want to "get to know her," and for the love of God don't use words like "date." Just put yourself in her presence and give her opportunities to spend time with you that are natural, not contrived.

One more bit of advice: to the extent you can, put yourself in her shoes and ask yourself what she would be looking for in a guy, then take an honest look at yourself and ask yourself if you are the type of guy she's looking for. Most women, particularly traditional/religious ones, are looking for traditionally masculine provider-type men who have the resources and character to give them a stable family life. Or, if they're too young to be thinking seriously about family, they might be looking for an attractive guy to have fun with until Mr. Right comes along. You need to be either Mr. Right or Mr. Right Now if you want to be successful.

Remember that this is all in your head. Master yourself, and you will master your relationships. Be excellent, and women will naturally gravitate toward you.

Being sociable doesn't mean not being romantic. The key thing is to not deceive oneself. Pay attention to what goes on around you, learn how to be perceptive, and most important listen to what she says. Complements also go over well, just don't lay it on too thick.

"Older, wiser, and more mature" person here 😀 You're in luck as I have the time right now and am in a bit of a mood to impart some lengthy advice. I'm mostly responding to what your first post says, even though it may appear to jump around a bit.

The "Just do it" advice is good, but you're looking for a little more reassurance, and I can understand that 😀

"Don't do it, she's American" is rubbish, and is coming from the unexperienced.

All your "Reasons to ask her to coffee" are good reasons!

All your "Reasons to forget about it" is just the usual scared inner voice stuff that comes up in everyone when they are otherwise compelled to do something like this. Appreciate that this is a biological mechanism that's designed to protect you, but it goes into overdrive and over compensates. In nature, when it could mean the difference between being eaten by a lion or not, being safe is better than being sorry. However, in these situations, living with the regret of never doing anything and wondering what could have been is worse than the repercussions, 99.9999999 percent of the time. What I'm saying is it's one of those things in life that you just do and if you don't do it because of the small chance of what could happen badly, then you'd never enter a vehicle because you might be in a car crash one day, etc.

Here's some food for thought;

If every guy avoided asking a girl out because;
a. She MIGHT be in a relationship, or...
b. She MIGHT be being asked out by other guys, or...
c. Some other guys MIGHT even just be interested in her...
...no one would procreate and we would have died out long ago, plain and simple.

The fact is, women are usually getting a lot of attention, and this is normal. So it just becomes a case of - of all the guys that are interested in her, are you the one that is right for her? (And is some cases - simply just the one that has the guts to approach her?)

And you have to assume the answer is "YES" until circumstances dicate otherwise, otherwise you'll be single forever.

To me it sounds like a great set of common interests that you have which mean, yes you should do something about this. This is worth finding out.

And here's the trick - all the negative outcomes that you've thought of (and a couple people have even mentioned, like awkwardness if you have to see each other again) this all comes down to how you do it, and how you react afterwards. Yes, it all depends on that.

Yes that girl you went to coffee with could have been up front about already having a boyfriend, but perhaps you could have been MORE up front about your intentions too. She either saw you as a friend, or perhaps thought you seemed lonely and wanted to boost your ego and do something nice. Regardless of what you think about that, there's many reasons why she might do that, all which can be made simpler by the way you do what you do.

When I ask a girl out to coffee, because of the way I do it, if she's taken, she'll be flattered (important to note that I get this result), and then kindly let me know she's taken, but thank me. Eg. the last time it happened, we'd had a nice pre-amble chat, and then I said "Well, this was fun - would you like to go out for coffee tomorrow?" and it's my tone of voice and body language which make this a positive experience for both of us instead of awkward, and she replied light-heartedly "Oh - thank you for the offer, but I have a boyfriend currently and he might not be ok with that!" I said "Ah, of course, someone as attractive as you already has a boyfriend" in my overly theatric way, and we had a little laugh, then a little more small talk - and when we parted you could tell I'd made her day. I bet she told her friend a guy asked her out today.

I know I sound extroverted from that, but that's just my style. Introverts have their own style too, don't worry. They can be really friendly and calming to talk to. And you have your particular style, maybe you haven't discovered it yet. The main takeaway from this is, both of us can ask the same question and it can be a positive experience, not an awkward one, all because of the way we did it.

So what is the right way? The one where you appear comfortable doing what you're doing, and considerate and respectful of her as a person. (Or you could be the kind of guy that gets away with naughty jokes etc. and that's cool - horses for courses, and time and place make all kinds of things possible.)

First get rid of the idea that she would be "offended" that someone finds her interesting and even attractive. That is ridiculous. At worst, it would be awkward - because of the way you did it. And that is totally avoidable too, as I've been saying.

You feel "sick to your stomach" about it, why? Because you really really want to do it. But at the same time you're scared of putting yourself out there, like the effect public speaking has on people. So it causese a wierd conflict! You are really compelled to pursue this - but an annoying inner voice is popping up and stopping you.

Anyway - how to appear comfortable. You don't have to actually be comfortable, you just have to appear comfortable. Yep. Not only does this work for many people in many social situations, including myself (even when I was more stressed in my younger years) but I also have performance experience interacting with people etc. live shows, as part of part time work that I did for a few years, and the same rule applies there - if you look confident or comfortable, then they beleive you are. Even though inside you might be going "omg omg omg omg", hahah. It's true, and it works. You'd be surprised - that's how a lot of cool things get done.

Channel the nervous energy into something productive. Use it to motivate yourself and be aware of your appearance and how you sound. Take your time to think about what you'll say next - you have a lot more time than you realise!

Above all - be direct. Women really appreciate you having the guts to be up front, just as much as you wished the coffee girl was up front about having a boyfriend.

Depending on the situation, such as yours (you're in a group project, and it could seem wierd for the rest of the project) you can do some sort of "disclaimer", but don't make yourself sound small. Eg. you can start with "I don't usually do this, but...", but don't start with "Hey this is only if you want to..." that sort of thing. The difference between those two statements and the way you deliver them is huge. "I don't usually do this, but..." sets the tone that she's THAT interesting that you're willing to go out on a limb to do this. "Hey only if you want to..." kind of a statement sets the tone that you're expecting to be rejected, which turns women off.

Use your own judgement of when or where would be a good place to bring it up, or how to talk to her in private, but don’t put it off forever!

If she politely declines, it's super important you give a very confident response and say something like "Ok no worries - I had to ask though!" or "Well it was definitely worth a shot!" that sort of an answer, and then move on with the project like nothing happened, that will actually win you big social points as a guy who has guts but is also a gentleman and confident with himself.

Ok I've said a whole bunch and you'll probably get information overload soon. So go away, have a think about it, visualise it going well like a conversation between two adults, and if you like you can post back here with your thoughts if you're still unsure, or just go and try it. With women it's all about "seize the day" and striking while the iron's hot, doing it while you're in the mood and have the motivation to say what you mean and not over think things.

Don't worry - I've been in friend circles where we know (secretly) that one guy asked another girl out, and she said no, but it's all cool and we all still hang out without that being a thing. We're men, it's our job to put ourselves on the line and do this. People get that.

Oh yeah - if you're nervous about speaking in general, then warm up - spend the earlier part of the day, or week even, just chatting to random people, try to make the conversation light hearted, say something positive, etc.

"Women do this", "women like that". They're just people; they come in the same miriad flavours that men do and have the same likes / dislikes / fears / quirks. It's not always easy to remember that I know, but in my experience they're no better equiped to navigate the confusion and excitement of human relationships than we dudes are. Just try and think of her as you with sexier extremities 😈