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First post, by SquallStrife

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HI all!

You've probably noticed that my activity on this forum has atrophied a bit.

I've been fighting depression for years now, but the last year has been especially challenging. Clinically diagnosed depression and generalised anxiety disorder, on top of my Asperger syndrome. I've been through multiple psychologists, been taken to the ER more than a few times, and just now starting my 4th different anti-depressant. Maintaining the will to carry on existing has been so draining, I've not had the energy to do anything else. Some days I didn't even have the energy to feed myself, so I was going days without food, it was just too hard. This hasn't been the case for a few months now, but the risk of relapse is always there, and it scares me.

Know that I'm on a very slow road to recovery. I think. I hope. It doesn't feel like it sometimes, to be honest, but I'm assured by those close to me that I'm showing improvement.

VogonsDrivers.com is still alive, but I'm way behind on account requests and driver submissions in the thread. For this I am profusely apologetic. Please don't think I've stopped caring, I care a lot about the site and this community, but the black dog is a real bitch.

I don't know what I hope to achieve by posting this here, I guess I just wanted to let you all know I'm still around and kicking, in case anybody was wondering.

Last edited by SquallStrife on 2018-02-26, 06:02. Edited 1 time in total.

VogonsDrivers.com | Link | News Thread

Reply 1 of 20, by badmojo

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Yep, I've been wondering. Your contributions are always thoughtful / interesting / helpful / humorous / brutally honest depending on the situation at hand.

EDIT: (so please keep making them) (your contributions that is)

Life? Don't talk to me about life.

Reply 2 of 20, by gdjacobs

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SquallStrife wrote:
HI all! […]
Show full quote

HI all!

You've probably noticed that my activity on this forum has atrophied a bit.

I've been fighting depression for years now, but the last year has been especially challenging. Clinically diagnosed depression and generalised anxiety disorder, on top of my Asperger syndrome. I've been through multiple psychologists, been taken to the ER more than a few times, and just now starting my 4th different anti-depressant. Maintaining the will to carry on existing has been so draining, I've not had the energy to do anything else. Some days I didn't even have the energy to feed myself, so I was going days without food, it was just too hard. This hasn't been the case for a few months now, but the risk of relapse is always there, and it scares me.

Know that I'm on a very slow road to recovery. I think. I hope. It doesn't feel like it sometimes, to be honest, but I'm assured by those close to me that I'm showing improvement.

VogonsDrivers.com is still alive, but I'm way behind on account requests and driver submissions in the thread. For this I am profusely apologetic. Please don't think I've stopped caring, I care a lot about the site and this community, but the black dog is a real bitch.

I don't know what I hope to achieve by posting this here, I guess I just wanted to let you all know I'm still around and kicking, in case anybody was wondering.

I'm somewhat familiar with the whole business. Sometimes it does feel never ending and hopeless even if things are, on the whole, getting better. It's very hard to maintain proper perspective when you're in the deep, dark pit, but the fact that you're able to share what's going on in your life here is actually a very good thing.

As for account requests, there's no need to apologize. You were sick and still might be from time to time. Looking after yourself and getting well has to take priority.

All hail the Great Capacitor Brand Finder

Reply 3 of 20, by snorg

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Squallstrife,

Sorry to hear things are going poorly for you. I've been there and done that so I know what you're going through. Hopefully once you get your meds dialed in again things will turn around.
I wish you luck and a speedy recovery.

Reply 4 of 20, by chinny22

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It's not a computer that simply wont boot no matter what that caused it is it 😉
Jokes aside, glad your improving, don't let anything here make you feel pressured, its just a hobby after all.

Reply 5 of 20, by Kreshna Aryaguna Nurzaman

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To be frank, I never thought you were the kind of guy who easily falls into depression. But then again, anything could happen to anyone. In any case, welcome back! :thumbs up:

Never thought this thread would be that long, but now, for something different.....
Kreshna Aryaguna Nurzaman.

Reply 6 of 20, by oeuvre

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Hope you keep getting the help you need and are able to turn this around. Thanks again for your contributions.

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Reply 7 of 20, by Beegle

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I was wondering what happened to you as well. Glad you're still here and taking small steps towards recovery.
It's a long road, and a constant fight. But you can do it.

I'm here, and we're all here, if you need any help.

The more sound cards, the better.
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Reply 8 of 20, by Malik

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Squallstrife : Don't worry (no matter how bleak the world looks to you right now). You WILL get through this. The thing you have been doing for this community, and by hosting Vogonsdrivers for us is nothing short of amazing! The work you have been doing will outweigh all your worries. You will find comfort in those who are supportive of you all along.

5476332566_7480a12517_t.jpgSB Dos Drivers

Reply 10 of 20, by keropi

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Hey man welcome back! So glad to you posting again 😀
Keep strong mate and soon all these problems will be a thing of the past!

🎵 🎧 PCMIDI MPU , Orpheus , Action Rewind , Megacard and MK8330 soundcard website

Reply 12 of 20, by eL_PuSHeR

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Welcome back. Glad to see you are up and running. Hoping you recover fast.

PS - Greetings from a fellow Asperger. Don't let anything stop you. We are different, but that's just the extent of it.

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Reply 13 of 20, by 386_junkie

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Glad to hear from you, have sent some messages to you in the recent past but did not hear back... now I know why, sorry to hear.

You have been missed, certainly by me. I know things may get difficult, but please don't leave us for so long again, stay with us.

I hope it will get better... we are all here for you.

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Reply 14 of 20, by Stojke

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Stop doing how you feel and only do how you think you should do, no matter if you strongly and relentlessly feel you should give up right away.

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Reply 15 of 20, by Stiletto

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Glad to hear you're hanging in there. Keep fighting the good fight, Squally.

"I see a little silhouette-o of a man, Scaramouche, Scaramouche, will you
do the Fandango!" - Queen

Stiletto

Reply 17 of 20, by gdjacobs

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Stojke wrote:

Stop doing how you feel and only do how you think you should do, no matter if you strongly and relentlessly feel you should give up right away.

There's lots of tricks and lots of approaches. Even if something doesn't work, there's always another path to try. With every bad spell, no matter how much it sucks (and it can really suck), you will have another data point to form a coping strategy that fits you. It's not pointless and not hopeless. It can be a process by which you will become a stronger, more resilient person.

Nobody really knows how their own brain works until they have to give it a deep look, so in the interest of expediency it's sometimes good to throw a few things at the cognitive wall and see what sticks.

All hail the Great Capacitor Brand Finder

Reply 18 of 20, by RaVeN-05

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Wish and hope you become better!

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