Got the card from work, ended up being an 8GB Transcend CF160 Industrial, 486 still did the same thing as before but disk manager in XP picked it up as a fixed disk not removable as before... hmm lets have another go.
Chucked it back in the 486 and rather than letting post auto detect each time, I went into bios, IDE scan and that's when I saw it! It’s trying to use normal not LBA! Stupid thing even though it picks up it up as 8GB correctly and the manual quite clearly says 500MB is the max in normal. I think the motherboard needs to read its own manual! Sure enough it worked fine after that 😀
Then I thought if I can trick the computer. Now it’s all set up in bios correctly and locked in I swapped it for a sandisk, and it still worked! Fdisk can see everything and correctly partition it at last
I know I tried setting it manually before without joy, it’s as if I needed a CF card in fixed disk mode to set bios correctly, but once that’s done I can swap it with any old CF card that’s the same size.
The sandisks are now all set up, the Transcend is put somewhere safe, I’ve got 99% of all my games loaded and haven’t noticed any speed issues, the only writing I’ll do is savegames so should last longer than me in theory.