On the risk of getting burned: do you have a smaller sized CF card (32MB or something) that you can use for testing purposes? I want to make sure we are not running into a size limit of the bios before we start more troubleshooting.

nope smallest i have is 256mb ,wil have to look on ebay but i dont think the limit is 32mb
my 386 big tower has a real hdd 205mb
if i buy a xtide card can i put in the correct values ,been looking ate youtube videos cant find info about this

You could try that to see if it is the bios not liking the size or the onboard IDE not liking the CF/adapter.

i can try the onboard ide connector but with out a manual i dont know wich jumpers to set or change ,if all fails wil buy a xtide card

Well normally you would need to change settings in the bios and that is it. There is a small chance you can enable/disable the IDE controller with a jumper. For that We'll need to fabricate a layout with jumper names and locations, so we can compare it to known boards with the same or similar chipsets.

i posted on the first page some pictures of the motherboard and the name ,there is no info about it that i can find

i tried another ide controller from my 386 i can install dos but it stops at 99% ,i friend told me this is a server motherboard thats why its very picky about other hardware ?