I don't know if I understand correctly, do you mean that if I use an 8 bit xt-ide card I would also limit the vga to being 8 bit?
No, it means that the IDE interface transfers would be limited to 8bits, rather than the regular 16bits... so transfer rate will suffer. On an XT-class machine this isn't much of an issue as anything connected to an XT-IDE interface is likely going to be faster than whatever original disk system they were fitted with. It's more of an issue on an AT (and *definitely* on a 386) or higher where they usually talk 16bit wide data as standard.
The best option is if you can find a multi-IO or IDE controller card with an option rom socket and fit the XT IDE *rom* in there... but there's not a lot of these.
There's the added complication of accessing the XT IDE rom disk routines across the ISA bus (which is slow), rather than in main memory (which is fast)... shadowing the rom to ram helps here on later machines, but it sounds like that's not practical in the case of your PS/2. Again that's another point of slowdown.
Reflecting on all of the above I'd still choose the XT-IDE solution over using an ancient spinning drive. With the age of it now, you are well beyond the end of the bathtub/bell reliability curve.
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